Sugaragus!

Saturday, October 05, 2013

Open letter to Prunicorns,

Open letter to Prunicorns,

Dear prunicorns. When I first learned of your existence I was floored. The fact that there can be unicorns that are prunes, reaches a level of incredulity that far surpasess the fact that there can be unicorns in the first place. Then, I saw your leader Charm Charm on the MTV VMA's doing the nasty-wasty in a not so appropriate way, in fact she was doing it in a notsopropriate way. It was too much. Don't yall know how important it is to maintain a level of high falootin ness in this media cycle? do you want to encourage all of the _icorns of all varieties to behave boguswise? I mean Come on! There are two kind of prunicorns in this world. Nonexistant ones and fresh out the prune jar ones, which are real. It behooves me to think of what it must involve for you to make pools of juice all pruny when you stomp in it.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

We are not alone

One day:

SETI will call Nasa who will call the department of defense who will call the president.

At 15:14 hours a signal was received, coming from somewhere in the small Magellenic Cloud system. It had repeating phrases of noise bursts but no apparent larger pattern. It was soon found that the inner "smaller" sinusoidal phrases could be restructured as decimals of Pi but no clearer message could be found in the bursts.

Purplexed the White House dispersed requests for proposals for any consultants or independent contractors who could decipher this message.

The world's decryption specialists, security experts, mathematicians and information theorists using the newest and most powerful computers set to work, but after two weeks there no coherent results could be found.

Then on the 14th day after receipt of the message, a scholar, one Timothy Conasthé working in Medieval astronomy department of University of California (which it should be noted recently and somewhat mysteriously received numerous grants from Lockheed-Martin) emailed an urgent memo to the DOD explaining that in one of the once lost and mostly discredited manuscripts of the Persian astronomer Abd al-Rahman al Sufi, it was prophesied, -or to be more exact derived from recently discovered algorithms used to calculate trajectories of the stars- that a 'glowing being bearing idols and machinations of light and sound' would one day return to this sphere from eons of exploration and come to reclaim its apparent "Throne of the world." and rule us for the following 5 eons. The "Throne of the World" when translated from: عرعرش العالم was previously dismissed as meaning "a chair hung in the lower canopy of the sky" and therefore metaphysical nonsense, but this scholar. In addition Abd Al-Rahman provided a name: بجعة الملكة meaning queen of the swans or "Swan Queen." According to the mysterious algorithmic results: This "Swan Queen" was supposed to come to earth from somewhere in the Magellenic cloud system sometime in the early 21st century.

Most of the administration in the white house scoffed at all this. And for that matter a large section of astronomers, astrophysicists and meteorologists, stated that using proper deductive reasoning from science. This is black and white. Occams razor and logic. Get your head out of your ass seti. This is nothing! Just more noise from space, like you've been receiving since you started!

then. On the 59th day after receiving this message.

An intern at SETI was fucking around in his downtime. Using some open source video-decription software fed a series of 44.1kHz of dividual points taken from the sound samples of the message, and then processed into individual bmp files then again edited together at the timeline of the corresponding original sound file. He pressed render and waited. After coming back to his desk with a fresh black coffee and a danish...

The video flickered into focus after 3.14 seconds of technicoloric static bursts on his screen. ....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pco91kroVgQ

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbiWcoEtNBk&feature=youtu.be

Friday, February 03, 2012

the JIM ACE affair CHECKITOUT!!!!!

Jim Ace looked like guy looks, average. Normal, dude.

I looked at him so, yeah, and I know what an average kind of guy looks like because I am a National Boundary Inspector. NBI's see all types cuz all types have to pass through the lines to live. What I mean is- sorry I'm not being explicit here.

Nowadays the only way to make a living is to move along to find work, to travel. Traveling. People travel. Its what free people do. The only folks who don't are the government like me. So I let ace through. Because, in addition to him looking normal, his trailer was clean. He checked out.

So then, you're telling me he was a spy.

He's a spy. Jesus Christ. All I saw was his skin.

Yes. We have to see their skin, what the fuck do you think?

How are we supposed to know who is government and who is not? Travelers' skin is chemically tattooed and ours is genetically tattooed. What is wrong with you? Journalism. These days. Shit.

Ink Journalism with real ink. That's how it used to be. Ink, facts. Yeah, sorry. Yeah I know you are just doing your job. Well. I was doing mine... So all I saw was his skin. And it was clean, like the trailer.

And I took Ace's picture and passed him through the proper scanners and took his tongue out and put it on the belt and it came out clean too.

What? Oh, that means it was COA: a Certified Oldsmith Appendage. I let him through. And then I saw the news. He was dead and had already leaked secrets. Red, red everywhere.

Well, the first thought I had was to tell my daughter to go put all our gold and copper etchings in the silo. Then I called my boss and he had to stay put, but "don't worry everything will be OK." And "don't do anything" meaning don't lock or unlock anything. I ate a milk-goat... Just one. USDA normal, like usual, and said a prayer and stayed put like he said.

The news said Ace was killed by an authorized asthma attack, That was how I knew there was something else going on because, like I said, his skin and trailer were clean. Health too.

The diagnostic machines are calibrated every day. I know cuz I have to use them on my own body to get into the facility, I see to it myself see?

The secrets are either Government or NGE. If they are NGE then its got to be an enemy of Oldsmith. If it is Government it has to be an enemy of Government. Can't be anything else.

Non-governmental Entities don't play games, they play money. Like, for example it could be something about Oldsmith's boundary rights fuck I don't know.

What? Cant be culture-poison. Culture-poison, that's just fucking absurd. Its not from anyone important celebrity-wise. I mean. The secrets are not definitely not art-terrorism because the ARTists like to make themselves known asap. And like, everyone moving all the time you know? Its not where you're from its where you're at. And there is no 'at' anymore! So it cant be style wars. It can't be traditional nationalism.

I'm from here. Government people- me and my wife and daughter. CanadAE. That's what we believe in so... no one is interested in being 'free to stay' anymore, the ad campaigns for Old "house and home" freedom (the freedom to stay within one boundary) don't work that way on us. We know who we are and we are Government. We stay because we always stayed and those who have to move move because it is our job to keep them moving....

Ace... Ace had his documentation registered in 2111, a year ago. So I didn't have to parse it for Non-g continuity or grammar.

It said he was a clown for Michelin, looked good to me and my boss. Why don't I think this is a tire issue? Rubber-trade secrets or something?

Cuz we know that his skin was institutionally grown. With powder by Academic Agencies and that means: my job is fucked.

My daughter will be apprehended and I will be neuralized.

We are skin checkers. That is what we are. Our union is a union of skin checkers. And it is bloody, bloody fortified.

Our history goes back to the days of stem-cell grants. NIH made us happen and NLRB had our back. But of course now there is no NIH. Academic Agencies have been independent NGE's for years now. Which means they do RFP-RFQ's... they contract their work out to whoever the fuck...

And if they can grow a sector's epidermal mass, whether NGE or Government, and make it look like either... then the Oldsmith machines have to be overhauled, and us NBI's have to be neuralized.

But you give me assurences. Nuralizers give pre-therapy I know what's coming.

This aint that? So what is it? Do you have a daughter? Ok then what do you have?

---

Our discussion ended there. Mr. Sherman wanted to be sure I would use his name in this article so I cannot disclose whether he has been neuralized or not.

[ touch here to FADE INTO WATER *only limited moneyed can touch* &privacy&policy FADE INTO WATER touch here]

Oldsmith industries chairman [NAME NOT GATHERED] has released a series of images which are touchable for 30 limited moneys but were not decrypted prior to their release so they will have to be factored into this article.

<------------------- To Factor Oldsmith Images TOUCH HERE

TOUCH HERE to know the truth without borrowing anything-------->

*credit is not available for account-holding GAMERS * If using a mobile device TOUCH HERE for a fixed port rate*

&privacy&policy J

Oldsmith industries limited chairman [NAME NOT GATHERED] Factored into the article:

“We are glad today. We are issuing 10,000 Diamond Class Supplimental-Group-Theory Shares

[AKA “known-shares’] to anyone who has information concerning ACE’s purpose and international backers. We are interested in swallowing them whole and I can assure you we will swallow them whole! That information is very valuable to us and we are offering to let any gatherers opt out of our Info-rights in its creation. The shares are our gift to you but you will also be made an honorary member of our Non Terror Class! Thankyou! Because we know this is a global security issue and it effects babies. Even the babies of any of you out there who are having them unauthorized. It will effect your children’s rights and duties and we love each and every one of you. Oldsmith has been in the business of loving each and every one of your babies for centuries now. Thankyou!”

[touch here to FADE INTO GLASS touch here]

[TOUCH HERE TO learn more about Oldsmith Chairman {name not gathered}’s parents, including their favorite meal course TOUCH HERE]

[touch here to FILE YOUR TAXES and remember you can also touch ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF THE SCREEN to contact the police THIN AIR IS FINE!]

[TOUCH here to know the truth without borrowing anything and how you can REFORM JOURNALIZM subscribe for free emails courtesy of our friends at DOWN-LOG]

Oldsmith industries limited chairman [NAME NOT GATHERED] NOT Factored into the article:

“Ace is a mole for a Negative Equity holding firm which we are investigating in partnership with the department of justice but whose notational origins are not currently known.

“The disclosure of information through CanadAE borders has released uncertainty into the markets and, while we will be debiting a $300,000 uncertainty fee from the treasury, which you will see on our itemized SUNSHINE tax releif settlement statement, we are certain that it will not have any effect on our stock price so no government job names or ranks will be cancelled or reissued at this time - outside of the unfortunate circumstances which have transpired, our friends at the the National Border Inspections agency chairman [NAME NOT GATHERED]’s face shining with tears will remain in place but will have to moratorium-defunded for the time being. We are always learning, and we are always giving, so we must make our choices right. Thankyou very much”

A separate email was sent and authorized by Oldsmith Spokesemail [THANKYOU for automatic factoring TOUCH HERE to find out more about automatic factoring ] which states “Oldsmith has been working closely with The TFBS, treaty framework for border security to make sure that our machine and personell standards reflect this unfortunate incident. Thankyou to our brave men and women and babies in the Government for your faithful service. Remember. You make the clock tick and we are greasing the great clock, but time is ours together.

[touch here to FILE YOUR TAXES and remember you can also touch ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF THE SCREEN to contact the police THIN AIR IS FINE!]